I woke up today to gray skies and instead of letting it get me down as I usually would I decided to count my blessings that I had the memory of the sunshine that we had yesterday. I am also trying to wear brighter colours then before as much as possible as it helps me to feel up rather then down. I am finding that it is sometimes the little things that I have changed that can make a great difference to how I feel as well as how I view the day. I think attitude really is everything. If you think the world is out to get you or that you can't do something like this blogging for example then you have already given in and given up. 

I have found that in the past and at times still I will write scenes of how something is going to go. such as talking a problem out with a friend or co-worker and then when it really happens, it ends up not being as bad as I had thought up in my head before finally dealing with it. What is it a called psyching one's self out. I have had many a sleepless night or at least a less then good nights sleep because I was worrying about a situation that I was afraid to deal with because I might get balled out or just actually have to admit I was human enough to make a mistake. Yes, sometimes the situation has been just about as bad as  I thought but it was still a relief to have the worst part of and done with, we can get on with how to repair the damage and move on, taking the lesson I learned and trying not to make the same mistake again if at all possible. This is true of all relationships I have found.

Lying is another bigy I am struggling with but not necessarily lying to others, so much as to myself. Part of this is because I have had so much practice at denying what I am really feeling and stuffing it down or just not being really sure of what I am feeling.

I am, also very good with the people pleasing at times. I had to be having grown up in a very dysfunctional family. Unfortunately this is another way that I lie or deny myself. A friend sent me a 365 day calendar for my birthday this year.  It is called "Getting In Touch With Your Inner Bitch", at first I was offended as I do not like bitch been applied to women in general and myself in particular. My feelings changed when I had a chance to really look at the pages of the calendar, as it talked about things like "Toxic Niceness" and the fact that this leads us to please others and deny us our true self.

I was talking to a lady from church yesterday about how everybody seems to think if you are even a little bit different in the way you act, talk or dress then you are strange and they pass you by. Years ago anyone who was different in this way was called an encentric and that was fine. Now if you do not conform to societial norms then you are almost an outcast, and no one wants to have anything to do with you. I say let us celebrate each others uniqueness. Just think about how many times you have bought something and wanted to get a different colour or style then someone else you know just so you could be you and express you own unique taste.

I have realized recently that I have much to thank my Mother and Father for, dispite  problems in our family. I get my taste for bright colours from my Mom as well as my love of reading(both she and Dad read to us before we went to bed at night. Mom and Dad loved music and dancing. I can remember coming home from school and Mom would be in the livingroom ironing clothes and listening to a variety of music. Also, we watched Don Messier and the Jubilee Dancers on Friday nights(we only had CBC at the time) and Tommy Hunter on Saturdays.